What you Don't See

I really wanted to write this post back in October for Pastor Appreciation Month but, well, the Pastor Family got a little busy and it is happening in November for Thanksgiving.  :)  I want to take some time and say a true and heartfelt thank you to all the pastors out there trying their best to do “it” right.  “It” means the job of ministry.  It isn’t easy and I want to say thank you!  However, the focus of this post isn’t to you, pastor, it is to those in your congregation.  I have a very unique perspective on the church.  I have a deep love for the church and I have a passion to see others love the church as well.  There is a well of words that could be used on that topic alone but that is not the point today.  Today, I want to share a side of ministry that the majority of church attendees will never experience but would benefit them greatly to hear about.  This is my attempt to share such information. 

** Disclaimer – my husband is my example; there are no issues in our congregation, we are very happy, we love our church and we believe our church loves us.  This is not directed at anyone or any church.  When I use the pronoun he in reference to pastors it isn’t because I don’t believe in women pastors, I do.  He is an easy pronoun to use.  My family is not bitter at the ministry, we all three LOVE ministry and couldn’t imagine life any other way.  He also balances work and taking time off.  Just putting some the possible questions and offenses out there before I get started J.

My position in the church is complicated.  I am an attendee of my church, I am a leader in my church, I am an employee in my church and I sleep with the pastor (all the pastors spouses reading this are loving that comment because you have said it at home, to others and you are part of the movement to be a minister to the minister J).  I attend the church, just like many of you.  I get to serve in volunteer positions and experience all the beautiful things the church offers.  I lead in my church.  Every week, I lead a small group that is evolving and growing and changing.  I don’t do this because it is my job, I do it because I love it.  I would lead a small group even if I wasn’t an employee or married to the pastor.  I am an employee of the church.  I am not part of the pastoral staff.  I am administrative staff, which means I do administrative work like calendar planning, budget tracking, phone calls and the like.  I love it!  AND, at the end of the day, the man you call Pastor, I call husband.  For the past 20+ years, I have watched him in pastoral ministry.  It has been such a wild and crazy adventure and I want to share some thoughts with you to allow you to see a side of your pastor you might not ever get to see.

Let’s start with today …. This morning, my husband's phone went off bright and early.  He had just come in from a short jog with our daughter and his text alerts were buzzing.  This is a normal morning.  Long before he ever gets to the office, he is watching over and guarding over the hearts of the people in his care.  Some of those people may never have a conversation with him outside of Sunday morning.  That doesn’t mean he loves you or cares for you any less than the ones that he talks to throughout the week.  He takes in these messages, catalogs them into his brain and prepares for his day.  The entire time we are getting dressed for work, making coffee, fixing lunch, etc. he is talking about what he needs to do today to care for our church.  That varies each day and each day it often looks different than most would think.  It isn’t uncommon that by the time he gets to the office he has already addressed the needs of several people.  Why?  Because he cares so deeply for those needs that he often doesn’t delay in addressing them.  Imagine the love that you have for your family.  Now imagine loving a church congregation just like that.  It is a fierce love and dedication that can’t be explained in words or demonstrated in a picture.  The closest thing I can compare it to is the love you would have for your family. 

Adventure with me, if you will, to his office day.  Just using today as an example …. I typically know what is on his task list because I help manage that.  However, tasks are never more important than people.  He had a full task list for today and as of 1:22pm, none of it has been addressed.  Why?  Two people needed him today.  These needs are not something that just anyone can take care of (and believe me, he does balance what he can do vs. what others can do.  He isn’t the do it all kind of guy – he shares his load with others).  Two people had situations that were urgent and needed care.  For many, you would hear of the needs of these two people and be able to say a prayer for them (or if you knew the ins and outs of some of the stuff he deals with extending judgment toward the person sitting in his office. Again, another topic for another day), and walk away.  However, he won’t.  Your pastor (if Scott isn’t your pastor) won’t.  Why?  It is because he/she is charged and commissioned to watching and guarding over your soul and he fights spiritual battles for those in his care.  You see, very little ministry actually happens on a Sunday morning and most think that is where the bulk of his ministry happens.    

Most people look at a Sunday morning and form their opinion of their pastor.  They listen to the stories he tells in his sermon, the illustrations he uses, the mistakes he makes (and believe me, if you think getting up in front of a congregation and not saying something stupid isn’t something you would ever do then chances are you have never spoken to a congregation week in and week out) and you form an opinion of the man you think he is.  That opinion could be positive, uncertain, that he is funny, that he is tough, etc.  Unfortunately, that opinion is, many times, only as good as his last “performance”.  If he says something that rubs you wrong or brings conviction to you, you may get upset.  Often times, people get upset with him but never go to him to clear the air.  They just go to other people about it.  There are countless numbers of pastors out there trying their best to do pastoral ministry the right way but are often kept at arm's length because of wounds of previous pastors, misunderstanding or offense.  Guess what, he knows when you are upset.  It hurts him to know you are upset by something he said (especially if it was one of those moments where he said something the wrong way, you misunderstood his heart behind something or it came out the wrong way).  Many times, you shut down and walk away.  He doesn’t.  He continues to guard over your soul and war in the spirit.  He loves you.  More than you will ever know or fully understand.  Please, extend grace and mercy.  He needs it just as much as you do.  Talk to him.  He needs relationships just as much as you do.  You see, your pastor loves you and cares for you.  Take a minute today to let your pastor know how much you appreciate him.  He isn’t always going to get it right.  He isn’t always going to say the right thing or do the right thing but if you know him and you know his heart, you can operate with grace when he does mess up.  He is praying for you each day. 

In closing, think about this.  Sunday morning is his busiest day of the week.  In 20 years, I have rarely seen my husband work less than 14 hours on a Sunday.  He is at the church hours before service (most Sundays) praying over your family.  He listens to and hears the heart of God for a congregation and delivers a message that he has worked on all week that he feels communicates what God wants to say to you.  He eats lunch, often times with church members, answers texts about something he said in his sermon, gets phone calls about how what he said was either on or off and why they feel that way, then he preps for a Sunday evening class.  Only to get home, go to bed and be passionate about doing it all another day.  It is what he is called to do.  It is what he loves to do.  He isn’t always going to get it right, but neither are you.  What I do know is he is always going to put up the best fight he has for your soul, he is going to put his best energy and efforts into carrying out the directives God has given him and he is going to stand in the face of the enemy on your behalf.  Any pastor trying their best to do it right is going to do the same thing.  You matter to him! 

These are things you never get to see concerning your pastor.  There are so many more topics I could add to this but let’s just leave it at this J. 

Face You Goliath

Face Your Goliath!

My very favorite story in the Bible is that of David and Goliath (1 Sam. 17).  Over the years, I have learned so much from this story.  Today, I want you to think about the Goliath’s in your life.  I am referring to the things that you can’t seem to overcome but are always there to mock you, to make fun of you and to bring you down.  We have those moments where we think we have finally slain the giant but then we turn around and it seems we just knocked him down for a moment and he is right back there to greet you head-on with what seems like a renewed strength.  I feel this way about roaches.  The never seem to die!  You can spray them with bug killer and they just run away to their dark little hidey-hole of roachness.  Then, later, when you are all settled down, you see him again.  He manifests his presence just to let you know you didn’t win.  I have married the master bug wrangler.  We live in the middle of the trees and unfortunately, roaches (or palmetto bugs as some of you like to call them … which is just a fancy name for the grossest bug of all time) are a part of life.   

How does this relate to Goliath?  Well, we live a life full of things that will always fight for our attention.  Each day, things and circumstances that will want us to feel like we can’t overcome surround us.  However, I want to encourage you that you can overcome!  You can have victory!  It never ceases to amaze me how the enemy of our soul will saturate us with negativity, thoughts contrary to the Word, and other events that will bring us to a place where we feel like we can’t win.  BUT – we can partner with the name of the Lord, just like David, and defeat the giant once and for all.  What name of the Lord do you need to call upon?  Do you need the Lord of Peace?  The Lord our Healer?  The Lord our Banner?  You have access to the Great I Am and He wants to fight the battle for you.  Rest in Him and allow Him to give you the word and direction He has for you.      

Excuses

There is an old song that I love and it cracks me up every time I hear it.  You should look it up on YouTube, Excuses by the Kingman.  There is so much truth is this funny song.  The foundation of the song is all about the excuses the Devil will send your way when you are a Christian.

Over the years, I have noticed how sneaky the Devil is when he brings separation between people and their church family.  He will slowly begin to bring offense then provide "legitimate" circumstances to separate people from their community.  This brings isolation, which begins to make people feel like they don't matter, all the while he continues to pile one circumstance after another to keep people away, eventually breaking the relationship and leading to a shipwrecked faith.  I know this seems dramatic when it is typed out, but it happens so subtly that the person doesn’t even realize what is going on until they feel like it is too late to return to the church community. 

John 10 talks about how the thief will come to the sheepfold through ways that he does not have the authority to enter – essentially breaking and entering.  The importance of community is that we rally around each other to stop the thief.  Jesus stands at the door of the sheepfold and offers protection.  Unfortunately, excuses often pull us away from the very place that God has set up to protect us.  

If we take a look at Galatians 6:3-10 we can see the promise of life when we sow to the right choices.  When the enemy brings distractions our way, we have the opportunity to sow to the flesh and serve those distractions (let’s be honest, when we get derailed, we begin to serve the things that derailed us) or we can sow to the Spirit, allow God to lead us through those times, keep us in the sheepfold, and reap everlasting life. 

Here are a few key points to take away and lock in your spirit:

  1.   The thief comes to steal, kill and destroy.  He has an agenda, but God is greater and has given you life and life abundantly.

  2.   Don’t sow to the flesh.  When things come up, be intentional to stay connected to the sheepfold and the community God has established you in.

  3.   Don’t try to be a lone ranger Christian.  When you isolate, you become easy prey. 

  4.   Family is family!  God establishes us as part of a family and sometimes there is friction in a family but friction leads to growth.  Allow God to strengthen you and keep you. 

  5.   Grow.  When the enemy is bringing every excuse and circumstance your way, grow through it.  Don’t jump ship and abandon those that have walked with you in the journey.  You are part of a sheepfold and need to stay connected.

I hope this helps someone today.  I am so over the enemy bringing division and trapping people into thinking they don’t matter, won’t be missed, are only doing a job, etc.  Oh, and one last thing … we are all only doing a job J.  We are part of a family and in a family, everyone has a job.  So, connect to your spiritual assignment and allow God to flourish you.  Close the door to the enemy, sow to the Spirit and reap everlasting benefits!

How to Recover When You Were Wrong

How to Recover When You Were Wrong

I was wrong … three words that are so powerful yet often overlooked. 

Recently, I said those words to someone.  I was wrong and I freely admitted it.  Unfortunately, I have also withheld those words when I felt like I wasn’t wrong or I wanted to keep the upper hand in a situation (yes, I am sure you have never done that but I have.  Why?  Because I was wrong LOL).  Many times, we withhold those words because we feel like we weren’t wrong so why should we admit to something we didn’t eve do?! Or, we withhold those words because we don’t want to admit our shortcomings to someone else.  So, what do you do when you are wrong and need to make a comeback? 

Many of us are familiar with John 3:16 that tells us that God so loved the world that he gave his son to die for us as well as Mark 12:31 that tells us to love our neighbors as ourselves.  I want to include you on a journey of love that I have been on for a little while  … take a minute to sit down and allow God to open your heart to some thoughts on the way He loves us and the way we have the opportunity to love others.

When we think of love, many times, we think of the gushy feelings you get when you are dating someone … you are in love (insert hearts and rainbows flinging from your eyeballs and batting eyelashes).  We often hear love is messy (insert a mud pit and you are covered in all manner of dirt and grime because you have been in the trenches of life with someone).  Then we hear the love chapter from Corinthians (now insert feelings of wow, I can’t do all that because are we really always patient and kind??).  I have been thinking of love in all these ways but recently, I have started to think of love in a completely different way …. The way Jesus loved on the cross.

So let’s be real for a minute.  If anyone needs to say “I was wrong”, it isn’t Jesus.  Yet, a love so powerful took Him to the cross because of all the times we would need to say “I was wrong.”  I began to look at John 3:16 and Mark 12:31 and I realized that those words love are both words given to the Christian community.  That word is a love that is so powerful that it denotes an unconquerable benevolence and an undefeatable goodwill.  What??  That is powerful!  It is a quality love that is full of well meaning, kindness.  It is friendly, helpful and cooperative. 

Jesus empowered us to walk in an undefeatable love toward others.  I have been pondering why we have such a love problem in our society today (and yes, Christians, I am talking to you … we have a love problem in the church).  I think one of the reasons is because we don’t have a full understanding on how to receive love and how to give love.  When we are hurt by someone, we often respond out of offense or rejection.  We push someone away or get angry with them (or better yet this is one of my favorites …. We say we love them from a distance so we can “say” we are fulfilling our Christian duty but if they sat next to us in church we would squirm the entire time because we don’t really love … we love with conditions) because we can’t see beyond an infraction to offer unconditional and undefeatable well meaning, kindness and help.  We can’t see beyond ourselves to cooperate with one another to talk things through.  Instead, we run and never admit we were wrong.

So, how do we make the comeback when this is the case?  I have seen countless numbers of people ruin relationships, leave churches, and divorce because we don’t walk in God’s love for others, we walk in love based on conditions and limitations.  We make our comeback by speaking to ourselves, to God and to others that we were wrong … we were wrong to withhold love that God empowered us to walk in.  When we are willing to admit that we were not walking in well meaning kindness and a willingness to cooperate, then we open the door for kindness and cooperation to be reestablished.  I never want to sacrifice relationships on the altar of being right. 

I want to encourage you today, to ask God to give you an increased revelation of His love and the ability to walk in love and forgiveness toward others.  Don’t be afraid to say you were wrong when you were not walking in love (or when someone perceived you were not walking in love).  Love empowers us to live in the fullness of all that God has for us – By His love, He gave so let’s not withhold!