I really wanted to write this post back in October for Pastor Appreciation Month but, well, the Pastor Family got a little busy and it is happening in November for Thanksgiving. :) I want to take some time and say a true and heartfelt thank you to all the pastors out there trying their best to do “it” right. “It” means the job of ministry. It isn’t easy and I want to say thank you! However, the focus of this post isn’t to you, pastor, it is to those in your congregation. I have a very unique perspective on the church. I have a deep love for the church and I have a passion to see others love the church as well. There is a well of words that could be used on that topic alone but that is not the point today. Today, I want to share a side of ministry that the majority of church attendees will never experience but would benefit them greatly to hear about. This is my attempt to share such information.
** Disclaimer – my husband is my example; there are no issues in our congregation, we are very happy, we love our church and we believe our church loves us. This is not directed at anyone or any church. When I use the pronoun he in reference to pastors it isn’t because I don’t believe in women pastors, I do. He is an easy pronoun to use. My family is not bitter at the ministry, we all three LOVE ministry and couldn’t imagine life any other way. He also balances work and taking time off. Just putting some the possible questions and offenses out there before I get started J.
My position in the church is complicated. I am an attendee of my church, I am a leader in my church, I am an employee in my church and I sleep with the pastor (all the pastors spouses reading this are loving that comment because you have said it at home, to others and you are part of the movement to be a minister to the minister J). I attend the church, just like many of you. I get to serve in volunteer positions and experience all the beautiful things the church offers. I lead in my church. Every week, I lead a small group that is evolving and growing and changing. I don’t do this because it is my job, I do it because I love it. I would lead a small group even if I wasn’t an employee or married to the pastor. I am an employee of the church. I am not part of the pastoral staff. I am administrative staff, which means I do administrative work like calendar planning, budget tracking, phone calls and the like. I love it! AND, at the end of the day, the man you call Pastor, I call husband. For the past 20+ years, I have watched him in pastoral ministry. It has been such a wild and crazy adventure and I want to share some thoughts with you to allow you to see a side of your pastor you might not ever get to see.
Let’s start with today …. This morning, my husband's phone went off bright and early. He had just come in from a short jog with our daughter and his text alerts were buzzing. This is a normal morning. Long before he ever gets to the office, he is watching over and guarding over the hearts of the people in his care. Some of those people may never have a conversation with him outside of Sunday morning. That doesn’t mean he loves you or cares for you any less than the ones that he talks to throughout the week. He takes in these messages, catalogs them into his brain and prepares for his day. The entire time we are getting dressed for work, making coffee, fixing lunch, etc. he is talking about what he needs to do today to care for our church. That varies each day and each day it often looks different than most would think. It isn’t uncommon that by the time he gets to the office he has already addressed the needs of several people. Why? Because he cares so deeply for those needs that he often doesn’t delay in addressing them. Imagine the love that you have for your family. Now imagine loving a church congregation just like that. It is a fierce love and dedication that can’t be explained in words or demonstrated in a picture. The closest thing I can compare it to is the love you would have for your family.
Adventure with me, if you will, to his office day. Just using today as an example …. I typically know what is on his task list because I help manage that. However, tasks are never more important than people. He had a full task list for today and as of 1:22pm, none of it has been addressed. Why? Two people needed him today. These needs are not something that just anyone can take care of (and believe me, he does balance what he can do vs. what others can do. He isn’t the do it all kind of guy – he shares his load with others). Two people had situations that were urgent and needed care. For many, you would hear of the needs of these two people and be able to say a prayer for them (or if you knew the ins and outs of some of the stuff he deals with extending judgment toward the person sitting in his office. Again, another topic for another day), and walk away. However, he won’t. Your pastor (if Scott isn’t your pastor) won’t. Why? It is because he/she is charged and commissioned to watching and guarding over your soul and he fights spiritual battles for those in his care. You see, very little ministry actually happens on a Sunday morning and most think that is where the bulk of his ministry happens.
Most people look at a Sunday morning and form their opinion of their pastor. They listen to the stories he tells in his sermon, the illustrations he uses, the mistakes he makes (and believe me, if you think getting up in front of a congregation and not saying something stupid isn’t something you would ever do then chances are you have never spoken to a congregation week in and week out) and you form an opinion of the man you think he is. That opinion could be positive, uncertain, that he is funny, that he is tough, etc. Unfortunately, that opinion is, many times, only as good as his last “performance”. If he says something that rubs you wrong or brings conviction to you, you may get upset. Often times, people get upset with him but never go to him to clear the air. They just go to other people about it. There are countless numbers of pastors out there trying their best to do pastoral ministry the right way but are often kept at arm's length because of wounds of previous pastors, misunderstanding or offense. Guess what, he knows when you are upset. It hurts him to know you are upset by something he said (especially if it was one of those moments where he said something the wrong way, you misunderstood his heart behind something or it came out the wrong way). Many times, you shut down and walk away. He doesn’t. He continues to guard over your soul and war in the spirit. He loves you. More than you will ever know or fully understand. Please, extend grace and mercy. He needs it just as much as you do. Talk to him. He needs relationships just as much as you do. You see, your pastor loves you and cares for you. Take a minute today to let your pastor know how much you appreciate him. He isn’t always going to get it right. He isn’t always going to say the right thing or do the right thing but if you know him and you know his heart, you can operate with grace when he does mess up. He is praying for you each day.
In closing, think about this. Sunday morning is his busiest day of the week. In 20 years, I have rarely seen my husband work less than 14 hours on a Sunday. He is at the church hours before service (most Sundays) praying over your family. He listens to and hears the heart of God for a congregation and delivers a message that he has worked on all week that he feels communicates what God wants to say to you. He eats lunch, often times with church members, answers texts about something he said in his sermon, gets phone calls about how what he said was either on or off and why they feel that way, then he preps for a Sunday evening class. Only to get home, go to bed and be passionate about doing it all another day. It is what he is called to do. It is what he loves to do. He isn’t always going to get it right, but neither are you. What I do know is he is always going to put up the best fight he has for your soul, he is going to put his best energy and efforts into carrying out the directives God has given him and he is going to stand in the face of the enemy on your behalf. Any pastor trying their best to do it right is going to do the same thing. You matter to him!
These are things you never get to see concerning your pastor. There are so many more topics I could add to this but let’s just leave it at this J.
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